Guess what I got for Christmas?
A Pukalooloo Pakeha’s New Year Wish
Choice Kiwi, excellent dude.
May your year be hunky dory
sweet as fish n chips with vegemite
and pavlova to follow
when you rattle your jandals may
all the hoons and boy racers pack
a sad and bugger off on a tiki tour
to the wop wops for yonks.
may your chilly bin be choc-a-bloc
with L&P, hokey pokey ice cream
and ice cold D.B. from sparrow fart
until the good-night kiwi calls.
LEXICON FOR NON SPEAKERS OF NUZILD ENGLISH
Bro – term used between Maori males
hunky dory- as right as things will ever be
sweetas- choice, delicious, enjoyable, hunky dory
pavlova- a New Zealand dessert made with egg white and sugar which Australia keeps trying to claim, but we thought of it first
rattle your dags- an Australian vulgarism, but we being more refined rattle our jandals or gumboots depending on the weather
jandals- Australians called them ‘thongs’ until the Brits redesigned knickers
hokey pokey - N.Z’s favourite ice cream until some wanker thought of rum & raisin.
wanker- term of abuse, hints at dubious sexual habits.
chilly bin- keeps things cold on hot beaches
L&P – Lemon & Paeroa, once made from fresh lemons and soda water from Paeroa, useful for putting in the chilly bin for people too young to drink D.B.
D.B. – beer made by DOMINION BREWERIES which men scull by the tinful.
sparrow fart – sunrise
Goodnight Kiwi- sign off tune in the days when the government thought everybody should go to bed at 10p.m. and switched off the T.V.stations.
yonks – ages, about twenty minutes
wop wops – rural areas e.g.Taumaranui, Otaki or Stewart Island.